i. love. birthdays.
and today, i turn 23.
I think I love my birthday because it feels like the start of something new. It always falls just within the start of a new year, I can easily look backwards and see how God is moving through my birthdays.
My twenties have been something of an adventure.
My 20th birthday I was just starting my sophomore year of college in Omaha
My 21st birthday I was living in a community center in Jinotepe, Nicaragua
My 22nd birthday I was pouring out my heart to high school and college students in Norfolk.
My 23rd birthday I live in Manila, loving orphans, teaching guitar and discipling college students.
I have to smile even as I type about these birthdays. And the wild roller coaster God has taken me on. And how on each birthday there is no possible way I could have guessed what the next would hold.
Yet. I still seem to have trouble trusting him.
I have been sick this past week (not bad-don’t worry mom) but sick enough to stay home from ministry for fear of making the children sick. Being home in my apartment sick has given me a lot of time to think.
I often found myself thinking of what on earth I am going to do when I get home. Thoughts of jobs, bills, student loans flooded worry into my mind. Bargaining with God that if he would just let me have a stable income, a home, a plan, I would be happy.
Haha. God knows I am such a liar…
My favorite part of the mission field is not having any idea what the day is going to look like. Waking up saying “God what are you and I going to do together today?”
But faith is hard. Trust is hard. Sitting here not knowing where I will be or what I will be doing in 75 days is um scary.
But its fun. Its an adventure.
Because whenever I ask God “what do you want me to do?” His answer is always “just trust me.”
He never really answers my question- but he does draw my heart closer to His.
.and I guess that’s the point.
