I have often tried to place my identity in my worldly relationships. I placed my hope in those around me instead of God. I become comfortable in the relationships around me and forget that I need God. I subconsciously decided that if I can have lots of friends- I don't really need God. Oh silly me!
But what a mighty God we serve! How He uses our failures to pull us back in!
Three years ago I started dating one of my best friends. We went to the same church for years. He was so on fire for God, just being around him made me want to know God even more. He showed me God's love in a way I had never experienced it before- loving and caring for me in a way that drew me closer not only closer to him but closer to our Savior!
Our relationship went great until we left for college. We ended up going to the same school and did not know anyone else there. We looked for churches together, but became discouraged after a few months when we did not find one that we felt God was calling us to. We started to turn to each other for the comfort we had found at church- with God.
Boundaries started to fail- we turned to each other to fill the empty holes in our hearts that God used to fill. We were both aware of what was going on, but did not care to stop. Finally, after about a year of this lifestyle, the guilt had eaten away every good thing we shared with each other. My relationship failed. I had failed.
After we broke up, I became depressed. Every night, I cried myself to sleep. I started to take sleeping pills just to fall asleep and ease the pain. I felt so guilty for letting my earthly relationship come between God and I that I could not even turn to Him. I wanted so desperately to turn to God, but the devil reminded me of how awful I had been. So I started reading my bible, hoping that there would be some hope-someway that I could turn back to Him.
One night, I found myself reading the book of Hosea. Surprisingly, I can never remember hearing this story before. I ate up how Hosea loved his wife despite her running away from him. My tears fell on the pages of the bible as I read and re-read Hosea that night.
Hosea 2:13-15
"… and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the Lord. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of Egypt."
I prayed to God more fervently that night than ever before. I begged for forgiveness, pleaded with God to come and be Lord of my life. I sobbed as I asked Him to come hold me again. In the middle of my plea, I heard a calm voice,
"Be still and Know that I am God."
I knew immediately I had heard God's voice speak to me. My sobs stopped, I was awestruck by His majesty. I sat silently for a while, listening. Although nothing rang cleared than those words, I felt a peace in my heart.
I started to praise Him, singing sweet songs to my Lord, to my redeemer! He took my heart out of darkness and cleansed it! How Great is a love that saved my broken, empty soul! How great is a love that saved me from my sin. How great is a love that pursed me after I turned my back on him! I was awestruck by His beauty and love. I long to praise Him with every action, every day of my life.
How great, is our God
Sing with me how great is our God
And all will sing how great, how great
Is our God.
